The Art of Finesse

By Steven Mattingly

At our daily meeting recently our team was reviewing our staff’s concerns about a particular resident’s behavior.  We discussed various strategies and different approaches that we might use to help this somewhat new resident more easily adjust to the daily rhythm of our community.  Our Culinary Service Director chose an unexpected and interesting word to describe his suggestion. That word was finesse.

I was amazed to observe how quickly our discussion took on a totally different tone.  Prior to this brilliant word use, the focus had been on preventative and outcome driven strategies.  By thinking how we might finesse our interactions with this individual, a much more caring attitude was immediately apparent.  The team began to examine how our approach and actions would affect the resident’s response.  Instead of taking actions that we thought would give the desired result quickly; we began to think in terms of building a multi-step process with individual small results.  The small successes would allow us to build toward the bigger goal that we hoped to achieve.  When we thought about it even more we realized that this approach would offer continual positive reinforcement to the resident.  As we all have heard more than once, success breeds success.

I recently downloaded a dangerous new “app” for my smart phone that may take over my life as it once did when I was in college, Bridge.  Why could that happen?  Both my mother’s and my father’s families whenever they gathered for any family event, inevitably a card game of some type would break out.  Eucher (sp), Hearts, Canasta, Spades, Tripoli, numerous Poker variations, or Buckpitch were just a few of the games I learned to play.  It seemed perfectly normal at both of my parent’s funerals to have extended family members playing various card games in the side rooms of the funeral home.  I think it may be a Southern thing. 

When I arrived at college I was introduced to Bridge and for a good portion of my freshman year I along with other card playing friends from my college days, ate dinner early and retired to Parrish Parlors for an hour or two or three of competitive bridge.  We used rotating dummies so you learned to play various styles of bridge quickly.  I found that my card playing days with my family pre-college served me well.  If you are a regular reader, at this point you are asking yourself “where is he going with this?”.

Back to the art of finesse.  When our Culinary Director used finesse to describe a resident care strategy it just seemed so obvious.  Card games like Bridge use finesse to overcome missing trump or face cards in order to win the required number tricks to meet the bid amount.  It was the classic “aha” moment.  Using a bit of finesse when working with residents allowed us as well as the resident to overcome missing trump cards and make the bid.

This meeting also produced a flood of memories for me that included the places and the faces of my past bridge playing time so many years ago.  It is after that meeting that I searched out the Bridge app that now seems to have taken over my spare time.  Each and every time I celebrate a Bridge finesse I am reminded of how one simple but out of context word produced a significant change in thought for our team.

There are obvious challenges for those of us who care for seniors face on a routine basis.  I can see now how using a little finesse every now and then can produce great results.

Contributing author Steven Mattingly is the Executive Director of Pacifica Senior Living in San Leandro CA.