Dealing With Acceptance: Understand What's Causing Your Loved One's Resistance And How You Can Encourage Support.

Are you faced with a loved one resisting to any type of care?  This is one of the toughest challenges you can face with your aging loved one.  Through your support and understanding, you can foster acceptance.

What is the root of not wanting assistance?

Understanding what your loved one is going through in the aging process will gain your empathy for him or her.  He or she is most likely dealing with the LOSS of; physical, mental, and independence.  Admitting to care may mean surrendering their privacy, which can result in embarrassment that he or she can no longer take care of things. Remember, your loved one does not want to become a burden on the family, which results in stubbornness and unwilling to participate, but mostly, concerned with financial means. 

What's the best way approach?

If you believe that your loved one needs care, but are afraid to bring up the subject, start communicating openly in a delicate manner:

• Choose a time when you and your loved one are well rested and not hurried.
• Ask questions about your loved one's preferences. You can learn what they are dealing with, and what type of help your loved one needs. 
• Recruit the assistance of family members or friends.
• Don't ever presume that your loved one is unable to discuss care preferences.
• Don't give up.  Getting your loved one to understand his or her needs may take more than once.

Some strategies to encourage cooperation:

• If living at home is not an option, start researching retirement living communities in the area(s) of interest.  Schedule tours.  Don’t make it hard for your loved one to select, pick your top three (3) to visit.
• If one of the communities is of interest, follow up with the community and ask if they have a respite program.  Respite stay gives your loved one the opportunity to try the retirement community for a short period of time, usually between 3 and 30 days.
• Don’t get angry.  Your focus is to get acceptance from your loved one. 
• Explain how perhaps moving to a retirement community may prolong his or her independence. Accepting some assistance may help your loved to be able to enjoy the activities that used to be of interest.
• Help your loved one cope with the loss of independence. If a retirement community is the option, schedule a time with the administrator of the community and ask to meet with residents that have the same interests.  This will give your loved one the opportunity to meet others that have experienced the same scenarios.

The above suggestions would not be appropriate for your loved one if he or she has been diagnosed with dementia.  Your role would be to find a memory care community that will bring you peace of mind that he or she is being well taken care of.

If you are dealing with any of the above circumstances, feel free to phone any of Pacifica's Senior Living full service independent, assisted living and memory care communities.